When we think about being in love, or feeling loved, we tend to equate this to an emotional state of euphoria. But is it? Sure, in the beginning, but what about after the newness wears out?

What is it that makes you feel loved?

Feeling loved is more than an emotion…it is an action as well.

Don’t get me wrong, feeling in love is a primary human emotional need. So what makes us feel loved? It depends on who you ask, of course! Think about the following, and decide which has the most impact on you. Or better yet, which would hurt you more deeply if it were neglected by your partner.

1

Express your love through words of affirmation

“Kind words are like honey–sweet to the soul and healthy for the body” (Proverbs 16:24). In order to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we wish to love each other, we need to know what the other person wants.

Verbal compliments

Or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. Expressing love emotionally through the use of words build up a person. Unfortunately, some couples forget this as their relationship progresses. Best expressed in simple, straight-forward statements of affirmation, such as:

• You are so beautiful
• I really appreciate you
• You are a good man
• I feel blessed you are in my life
• Thank you for the delicious meal
• I appreciate you washing the dishes tonight

How would you feel emotionally if you heard such affirmations on a daily basis?

Be encouraging

Verbal compliments are only one way to express words of affirmation to the person you love. “To inspire courage” through the use of encouraging words is another. Everyone has areas of insecurity; these insecurities may prevent us from accomplishing things we otherwise would like to achieve.

When the person you love expresses an interest or passion, how do you react? If they have a deep desire to write books, change careers, write poems or anything in between…how do you react? Do you take a genuine interest? Are you supportive? Or do you ignore it…thinking it will pass?

If you truly love someone, you will support them in whatever endeavor they wish to pursue. Why? Because it is what they desire, your words of encouragement can make the difference whether they actually ‘try’ or not.

Use kind words

“…Love is kind…” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). If love is kind, than the words we use to express ourselves to the ones we love should be through kind words. This has to do with the way we speak our words. There is a difference between telling someone you love them spoken with genuine tenderness and affection and the statement “I love you?”

The manner in which we speak to one another means a great deal more than the words being communicated. The question mark sends an entirely different meaning. The tone of our voice often says more than the words themselves.

Be humble

When you love someone, you don’t make demands, you make requests. If we express our desires as demands, the possibility of intimacy is impossible. Resentment will often surface in the one that is being demanded of. When you are requesting something from the person you love, you are affirming their worth and abilities. On the other hand, when you demand something, you are in essence becoming a tyrant; they will feel you are belittling them.

A request introduces the element of choice. They may or may not respond to your request…remember…love is always a choice. This is exactly what makes it so meaningful, because of their feelings for you, they respond to your request because that is how special you are to them. A demand on the other hand, may be acted on out of fear and not out of a true expression of love they feel for you.

2

Sharing quality time together can bring your relationship to new heights

Focusing our attention towards the one we love can cultivate a deep sense of togetherness and intimacy. To spend quality time with one another means to give each other our undivided attention. Some couples forget the importance of giving their attention completely to their spouse. They may feel they are spending quality time together as they talk about their day while watching TV. To truly be sharing quality time means to willingly give our complete attention to our partner.

Emotionally, it is not necessarily the activity, rather the fact that we are focused on one another that defines the ‘quality’ in quality time. Think of the activity as the vehicle that creates a sense of togetherness.

“The importance of spending time together in a common pursuit communicates that we care about each other, that we enjoy being with each other, that we like to do things together.”

The key is to do things that the other enjoys. Sharing time together in activities that each enjoy brings with it a sense that you really like being with that person. Whether it is playing board games, dancing, hiking, biking…etc., it is the moments shared while participating that will bring emotional intimicy, not the activity itself.

What about quality conversation? To often people neglect sharing their feelings with one another. Sure you may talk to your spouse about your day, but are you sharing how you felt throughout the day? Fostering intimacy in our relationships require us to be able to express our feelings with one another. When you hear someone say their spouse never talks to them, what they are referring to is a need for them to share their feelings and emotions with them.

When you are happy or upset, do you explain the feelings you are having, or do you express your thoughts? As humans we are all emotional, feeling beings. To neglect sharing our feelings with the person we love can create a separation in the relationship…figuratively and literally speaking.

3

Give your loved one a gift when they don’t expect it

Considered a symbol of love and affection, true gifts should not be based on cost. What feelings do you associate with when you are the recipient or the donor of a gift, whether it is material or otherwise?

We often think of giving gifts during the holidays, a birthday, or during anniversaries, but what about the rest of the year? Receiving a single flower, a card out of the blue, or any other gift ‘just because’ will only put a smile on the recipients face, and appreciation in their heart. The more thought you put into it, the more meaning your gift will have.

“Gift giving has long been the subject for studies on human behavior, with psychologists, anthropologists, economists and marketers all weighing in. They have found that giving gifts is a surprisingly complex and important part of human interaction, helping to define relationships and strengthen bonds with family and friends.”

4

Performing an act of service is a sure fire way to convey you care

Doing something for your partner, whether it’s cooking dinner, vacuuming the carpets or anything in between is another way to show how much they mean to you.

Often times as couples we define our roles and responsibilities, to include which tasks around the house are performed and by who. Convey how special your partner is by taking it upon yourself to perform something they normally would.

For this to have real meaning, initiate it on your own, and try to perform an act of service as often as possible.

5

Physical touch is the most intimate of ways to express your feelings

Do you feel most loved through physical contact? Whether holding hands, having your back rubbed or otherwise, expressing ourselves through touch is powerful.

Sharing our thoughts and feelings towards the person we love through physical contact is often overlooked as we deal with our hectic lives and busy schedules. Far too often, people may tend to rely on a scheduled time and/or place for the most intimate of ways to express ourselves.

If you fall into this category you need to STOP!

In reality, it really does not take any more effort to reach for your partners hand as you walk down the street together. To simply kiss your lover once while standing in the cashiers line.

It doesn’t matter where you are, or what you are doing…it becomes effortless when you recognize the importance a simple slap on the butt might mean to your partner.

If you know what makes you feel loved, let your partner know. If you know what makes your partner feel loved, by all means ‘just do it’!

Tagged as: feeling loved

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